- Played 4 times.

Barelylegal Tender — “Filthy Babysitter”

(This is a repost, but its existence came back into conversation recently.  Oh, and!  It’s mine, so.)

Lyrics:

Left the kids in the bath

Called my boyfriend over

Then we screwed on your couch

Ate all your leftovers

Let the kids set fire to the house

While I was on the shitter

Cause I’m your filthy baby sitter

Replaced your birth control with geritol

Switched your valium for tic tacs

I watched your all your porn

But left the vibrator

Cuz you might want it back

Drank champagne and fed the kids kitty litter

Cause I’m your filthy babysitter

Oh, Mr. Johnson, can I get a ride home

It’s late and I’m scared to walk alone

Please, Mr. Johnson lemme get a ride home

It’s late and I’m scared to walk alone

I let Billy run with scissors

And Suzy drink some wine

While I screwed the football team

All before you came home at nine

I tracked mud on the carpet

And left blood in the sink

You might want to check the garbage

Because it’s starting to stink

I cooked up some meth/ left the oven on

But don’t be bitter

Cause I’m your filthy babysitter

What do you want you little brats?

I’m talking on the phone

Sure play you can play in that old fridge

Yeah, Bobby, come over I’m all alone

Tried on all your clothes

Before I sold them for a fix

Then I made 1-900 calls

To chicks with dicks

I’ll be back next weekend

Cause I’m no quitter

I’m your filthy babysitter