Mein fahrrad. I had to really haggle. She wasn’t the prettiest girl at the dance, nor the ugliest by far. Priced at 110 Euros I wheedled it down from 70 to 45. Auf Deustch. I’m chalking that up as a win.
Backstory: I had gone with a few of my wohnungskollegen to the bike flea market, and even though we got there almost right as it opened most of the cheap rides had been snatched up and so I just sort of wandered around a bit frantic but also unfocused because you cannot get a to-go coffee here and even if you can it is like just a bit of dribble with foam and that is not strong enough on a Saturday morning trying to wrestle a semi-decent used bike out from the crowd and so my roommates kept coming up to me with these really cheap finds and I was like where are you getting these and it was almost that feeling of being at the bar at closing time and trying to find someone to come home with you before they turn on the lights and there was this American girl being unintentionally (I hope) awful but like had amazingly found a very like-new ride priced at 135 which, too rich for my blood but she was all I think I want it I’ve never had a bike and I was all, OK, do what you want and getting antsy staring at all the remaining cheap ones being purchased and then she was like everyone is coveting my bike they all want it and it was true they were like blood-hungry sharks but good grief also she was being cutesy and needy in a way that—remember, I am sans caffeine—really jangled the nerves and then she asked me to watch it for her so she could go to the bank to get some more cash and I was all I’m sorry but I really must do myself the favor of finding something I can ride home. Finally I found a blue one that really suited me but it was priced around 100 and I tried to haggle with the dealer, Gerhardt, but he wouldn’t drop the price below 80 and I made the mistake of walking away for a second allowing a greasy guy and his girlfriend to swoop in and wheel it to the far corner of the lot to inspect it.
The roommates and the American girl were in line to check out and I came up to sort of pantomine that I was heading out and the American girl was, head cocked, you’re not getting a bike? in this oblivious way and that broke me and I was like I cannot even with any of you right now.
I walked down the main square, had a cappuccino and put myself in check, because I was being way too New Yorky and like I should be practicing my ability to be Scheissfreundlich, which badly translated means shit friendly, or like putting on a shit-eating grin and being all faux-deferential and bitte, danke, bitte, danke, which is Argh but apparently it works here in situations where you have to negotiate or barter or get help from someone in a position of authority.
The blue bike wasn’t still at the flea market when I returned, where the remaining pickings were decidedly slim. There was this Polish kid hogging two bikes, one a garish purple mountain bike priced at 40 Euros, the other a really rad pale blue and white Puch for 50, and I was basically those are both in my price range and so I will take the one you don’t want and so we did this awkward little stand-off for at least 45 minutes where we would each take turns riding around a bit or kicking the tires as it were and making rather pointed small talk but I was determined to get a bike and in my budget and the seconds were not so sloppy so like I didn’t care, and the rest being still priced at around 100+ Euros. But! Then the Polish kid asked one of the attendants what he thought about the Puch and he said basically it was a crap deal and even at 50 Euros you’d half to put in twice that amount to make it last, new tire, new front and rear lights (which are required) and so I overheard that exchange as it was in English and I was like well, not gonna keep after that one! I was hanging around, with less than an hour to close, with the hope that people would start slashing prices. This trio of Turkish guys then moved in and had me check out their bike, a rusty, red and white Puch, which I had eyed previously but marked at 110 I had dismissed. They offered it to me for 70. I took it for a spin, but hemmed and hawed and countered with 40, which made them a bit angry and I stuck near it but didn’t want to commit necessarily, even though they kept telling me alles funktioniert and I was all ja, ja, but being really cagey that is until the Polish kid started also inquiring about this particular bike and then I had to get a little proprietary, so I wheeled it over to the guy who’d earlier given the honest eval of the blue and white bike, and he said this one was definitely not in top shape but for 50 eh, why not and long story short I finally wore the Turkish fellow down enough to where he grudgingly allowed me to pay 45 Euros for it. The End.
Oh also: the bike needs a name, something Germanic preferably. Suggestions, bitte.
